Mars is Bright Tonight
by dovaly
Summary: Edward Elric and other characters from other characters books, video games, etc... hop worlds and create mayhem. And who is this mysterious person who keeps popping up? Includes: Wolf's Rain, Naruto, PoT, Black Jewels Trilogy, Twilight, and more
1. Chapter 1: Sonny and Cher

All right, I have to explain some things before you can start reading. First, I'd like to tell you that Obsessed-with-random-theories-about-Harry-Potter wrote this with me. I would also like to say that, even if you never read the story any particular chapter is about, I encourage you to still read and I promise you we'll probably get to something you're familiar with. See my profile for probable material featured in this fanfic.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Wolf's Rain, nor the song Babe, I got you Babe

* * *

**Chapter One: Sonny and Cher**

Cher was wishing she could make out wi- I mean, _studying _Cheza (aka: the Cheesey Slut) when Sonny (Hubb) burst into the room holding a bouquet of pink flowers. What forced Cher from her dirty daydreams, however, was Sonny's clothing. The detective was wearing a bright pink vest with a lime green vest over it. What was worse, though, was the bellbottoms; orange with rainbow colored flower print.

"Hubb," Cher asked in a tone that made it blatantly obvious that she severely doubted his sanity, "what the _hell_ are you wearing?"

"Like my new duds?" Sonny asked sincerely.

All the scientists burst out laughing.

Sonny, being totally OOC, burst into tears three minutes later when he realized they were laughing at him. Cher, who still had a tiny grain of love for Sonny, patted his back comfortingly. Sonny immediately stopped crying.

"Here, Cher," he said, holding out the flowers, "I got these for you. I know you like pink." Here, he glared at that Kiba-stealing slu- I mean, Cheza.

"Um, thanks, Hubb," Cher replied uneasily.

Awkward silence.

Ten minutes later…

"Um…"

Another awkward silence.

Twenty minutes later…

"Isn't it our lunch brea-"

The random scientist was whacked by another random scientist.

Falls back into another awkward silence for five minutes…

Sonny pulled out a plate of steaming hot brownies out of nowhere.

"Where did those come from?" Cher asked.

"Um…that's confidential information. If I told you, then I'd have to kill you," Sonny said with a goofy-yet-creepy smile.

"Oh, o-okay…" Cher replied, taking a brownie from the plate. She took a bite, chewed, and swallowed. Sonny wore an eager smile. "These taste kind of funny. What did you put in them?" she asked.

"Um…love?" Sonny said uneasily. Cher stared at him, shrugged, and crammed the rest of the brownie into her mouth. _Yes, my plan is working,_ Sonny thought and rubbed is hands together evilly.

"What are you doing?" Cher asked.

"Huh? Oh, nothing," Sonny replied after staring at her stupidly for about a minute. Suddenly, two of the scientists started to do the hustle. Everyone stared, then stared more when Sonny decided to join in. They almost burst into uncontrollable laughter when Sonny started to "break dance." Unexpectedly, Sonny's pants ripped. That broke tha dam, and the whole room was laughing as Sonny tried to his ruffly, pink silk pink underwear.

"Oi! He's wearing ladies' underwear!" some random, undeniably sexy British scientist-wizard dude said through his laughter. Meanwhile, Cher was sitting on the floor and shoveling the whole plate of brownies into her mouth.

Cher suddenly stood up and music randomly started playing. (Hmm, I wonder how that happened? points at 'random British scientist-wizard')

"They say we're young and we don't know," Cher began in a surprisingly good voice, "we won't find out until we grow."

"Well I don't know if all that's true," Sonny joined in, his girly underwear mercifully hidden by a pair of bellbottoms, sparkly orange this time, " 'Cause you got me, and baby I got you."

_HIM:_ Babe  
_BOTH:_ I got you babe I got you babe

_HER:_ They say our love won't pay the rent  
Before it's earned, our money's all been spent  
_HIM:_ I guess that's so, we don't have a pot  
But at least I'm sure of all the things we got

_HIM:_ Babe  
_BOTH:_ I got you babe I got you babe

_HIM:_ I got flowers in the spring I got you to wear my ring  
_HER:_ And when I'm sad, you're a clown  
And if I get scared, you're always around  
_HER:_ So let them say your hair's too long  
'Cause I don't care, with you I can't go wrong  
_HIM:_ Then put your little hand in mine  
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb

_HIM:_ Babe  
_BOTH:_ I got you babe I got you babe

_HIM:_ I got you to hold my hand  
_HER:_ I got you to understand  
_HIM:_ I got you to walk with me  
_HER:_ I got you to talk with me  
_HIM:_ Igot you to kiss goodnight  
_HER:_ I got you to hold me tight  
_HIM:_ I got you, I won't let go  
_HER:_ I got you to love me so

_BOTH:_ I got you babe  
I got you babe  
I got you babe  
I got you babe  
I got you babe

When Sonny and Cher finished their duet, everyone in the room was staring at them. Even Cheza woke from her perpetual slumber to gawk at her admirer, but Cher was to drugged-up on marijuana to notice her One True Love's awakening.

"Cher, that was awesome! We should go into the music biz together!" Sonny pronounced happily.

"Yeah, we should, "Cher agreed.

Sonny, thinking it was the perfect opportunity to do it, pressed his lips against Cher's. It seemed the kiss had a sobering affect on Cher, because instead of responding to the kiss, she slapped Sonny in the face. Cher stormed out of the lab, leaving a hurt Sonny and a group of amused scientists in her wake.

* * *

Hope you like it! Next chapter: a xover between Fullmetal Alchemist and Twilight. Review!! 


	2. Chapter 2: Battle of the Eds

Sorry for not updating in a while, but, honestly, I've been too lazy to type this story. I hope you enjoy this chappie!

Disclaimer: We do not own the characters (except the random British-Scientist-wizard) we just own the plot…..yeah, this is a crossover between Full metal Alchemist and the Twilight books.

* * *

Chapter Two: Battle of the Eds.

Edward Elric, in pursuit of the Philosopher's stone, somehow managed to get totally lost and off track. Here he was, in a small, rainy town called Forks. The town was kind of dull and only had one hotel. If that wasn't bad enough, the whole town was ignorant about his chosen profession. When he introduced himself as an alchemist, Edward received blank stares.

Bored of staring at the box that showed moving, colored pictures the hotel worker called a TV, Ed decided to explore the drab town. After walking around aimlessly, Ed ended up at some school. He was just about to turn around when the sky opened up and started pelting Ed with huge raindrops, almost swallowing him because of his small size.

Meanwhile, Edward Cullen and Bella Swan were driving down the street at a very unsafe speed.

"Um, Edward, shouldn't you slow down? OH MY GOD! THERE'S SOMEONE IN THE STREET!" Bella exclaimed. Edward, being OOC, stared at Bella with a confused look on his face.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, that small dude?" he said nonchalantly and kept driving.

"Shouldn't you slow down, stop, or something like that?" Bella asked in an 'I'm panicking-but-I-don't-want-to-show-it' voice. As this was happening, Ed was walking dejectedly down the road towards the silver Volvo. A part of his mind registered the danger but he ignored his impending DOOM. Because he thought it would be _fun,_ Edward swerved to avoid splattering Ed all over the road.

Ed just randomly fell over even though the car was five feet away. Before Edward could stop her, Bella burst from the car to see if Ed was all right. Edward reluctantly followed.

"Yo, shorty! Are you all right?" Edward asked the midget lying in the middle of the road and being drowned by the rain. Well, you can guess what happened next…

"Who you calling shorty, you tall, handsome, pale freak?!" Ed screamed, "You're going to pay for that, creep!"

"I don't fight." Edward said, being his awesome, aloof self.

"What, are you chicken?" Ed taunted, "Don't want to ruin your pretty face for that ugly slut of yours?"

Suddenly, Edward tackled Ed to the ground and punched him in the face. Then Ed used his totally awesome alchemy to dislodge the vampire from him. Edward bared his teeth and growled. Ed then decided to take off his glove and slap Edward across the face with it. Edward shoved Ed against his car. Ed smirked and used his alchemy to turn the car into a robot bunny. Now Edward was really pissed.

Meanwhile, Bella was cowering and watching in a very interested fashion. She watched as Edward tried to wring the alchemist's neck.

"Looks like somebody's pissed," Alice commented, appearing out of nowhere, "Elric is sure getting his ass handed to him."

"Alice, you know that shrimp?"

"I'M NOT A SHRIMP!!!" Ed yelled, still fighting with Edward.

"Yeah. We met years ago in an alternate universe…"

_Flashback music starts playing as the scene starts to fade…_

"Big brother, big brother!"

The flashback broke as a huge suit of armor came lumbering towards them. For some strange reason, the suit of armor was holding a kitten.

"Al? So you still have that cat fetish?" Alice said, nudging the suit of armor with her elbow. Al nodded and laughed. A random couple- a blonde vampire and the sexy British-scientist-wizard walked passed. When they got to Ed and Edward they stopped.

"Hey, it's Ed…" the Scientist said. Ed looked up from attempting to pummel Edward.

"You! You made the Philosopher's Stone!" Ed exclaimed. Then he started to chase the two older men. Jasper suddenly appeared next to Alice.

"Hey, was that Ed Elric?" he asked eagerly.

"Yep." Alice replied. They all just stared as the unnamed characters and Ed faded. Then they turned their attention to Edward. The vampire just sat there on the ground. He smiled and exclaimed,."Ooo, pretty flowers!" and ran over to the flowers like a small child would.

Jasper looked in the direction Ed ran off to, and then at Alice.

"Go after your man." Alice told him.

"But, what about-?" Jasper asked.

"Don't worry. Al is old enough now. You and I don't have to pretend anymore."

Jasper happily ran after Ed ass Alice shared a passionate kiss with Al. Edward and Bella, feeling left out, started making out, also.

Carlisle walked over and said," That's all folks! Now, push the review button. You know you wanna."

* * *

Did you like it? Huh, huh, huh? Review! Review! Please, please, please. please, please! 


	3. Chapter 3: Burn, Baby, Burn!

**Disclaimer:** If you recognize anything it probably is not ours. The songs are fun, but we do not own them. (Well, Wanta Bunta was modified from Wanta Fanta). Please review and flames will be used to toast marshmallows!

**Chapter Three: Burn, Baby, Burn**

Takashi, David, Bunta, Atobe, Horio, Tomoka, and Sakuno were all sitting at the tennis courts, bored out of their minds. So, naturally, they decided to play a game of tennis. Takashi and David against Bunta and Atobe, with Sakuno as the ref (is that what they're called?) and Tomoka and Horio as the cheerleaders. They got their rackets and stepped onto the court. Takashi turned to David.

"Don't ya wanta wanta Bunta? Don't ya wanta wanta Bunta? Don't ya wanta-" he sang. David tried to keep a straight face.

"No." he said, glancing at Bunta and grinning evilly. Bunta scowled. Then he started to sing Burn, Baby, Burn while shaking his hips tauntingly.

"Ooo, theme songs!" Tomoka squealed while jumping up and down. "Let's think of one for Atobe!"

"And David!" added Horio. Everyone stared at them then began backing away. Soon the disturbing kids were arguing over theme songs.

"Yes, finally! Ore-sama gets a theme song!" Atobe gloated. Everyone rolled their eyes.

"CHEER OFF!" Tomoka shouted at the top of her lungs.

In America, some random Americans (coughtheauthorscough) were clamping their hands over their ears.

"We'll just be going now…" Atobe said, they turned on their heels and ran away. Far away…

"OMFM! (Oh my fucking Merlin) A Japanese cheer off! Oh, the pain! Woe is chocolate!" agonized the random Americans. Okay, back to Japan! The two creepy cheering kids were exhausted once Takashi, David, Bunta, Atobe, and Sakuno came back.

"Aw, it's over?" Atobe asked with a frown. Takashi stared.

"Wait, I thought you didn't want to watch…" he said with a confused look on his face. Atobe gasped.

"No! Ore-sama just went to get some refreshments!" he said. "You guys just followed ore-sama assuming that we weren't coming back!" he added in an annoying tone.

"Oh, Atobe! We _did _agree on a theme song for you!" Horio said ecstatically. Atobe's eyebrows rose.

"Really, what?!" he asked loudly and happily. Tomoka smiled.

"You're So Vain." she replied. Then they all burst into said song.

You walked into the party  
Like you were walking onto a yacht  
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye  
Your scarf it was apricot  
You had one eye in the mirror  
As you watched yourself gavotte  
And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner  
They'd be your partner, and

You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you  
You're so vain  
I'll bet you think this song is about you  
Don't you? Don't you?

You had me several years ago  
When I was still quite naive  
Well, you said that we made such a pretty pair  
And that you would never leave  
But you gave away the things you loved  
And one of them was me  
I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee  
Clouds in my coffee, and

You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you  
You're so vain  
I'll bet you think this song is about you  
Don't you? Don't you?

I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee  
Clouds in my coffee, and

You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you  
You're so vain  
I'll bet you think this song is about you  
Don't you? Don't you?

Well, I hear you went up to Saratoga  
And your horse naturally won  
Then you flew your Lear jet up to Nova Scotia  
To see the total eclipse of the sun  
Well, you're where you should be all the time  
And when you're not, you're with  
Some underworld spy or the wife of a close friend  
Wife of a close friend, and

You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you  
You're so vain  
I'll bet you think this song is about you  
Don't you? Don't you?

Ryoma, who wanted to see if anyone was up to a game, quickly turned around. Merlin, they were scary! Besides, even if he didn't care about their actions, their singing was making his ears bleed. Yeah, it was _that_ bad.

After finishing their song, the group collapsed in a huge pile on the tennis court.

"Hey, do you guys wanna play 'I never'?" Bunta randomly asked.

"Sure." Atobe answered, "What do you think Day-vi-day?"

"It's David!" The random British-Scientist-Wizard yelled, "Day-vid. Get it through your head. D-A-V-I-D spells DAY-VID!"

"Yo, dude, chill." David mediated.

"Wanna play 'I never' with us?"

The British-Scientist-Wizard, who we may or may not ever explain who he is or mention his name, turned to look at the obnoxiously loud girl who just asked him the question. He glanced around at the odd group of tennis players/spectators and shrugged. The British-Scientist-Wizard pulled out a huge bottle of brandy and sat down in the circle.

"Okay, ore-sama will go first," Atobe started, "I've never raped a little boy."

Orochimaru, who randomly joined the scene, took a sip and mumbled the word 'Sasuke' in response to their questioning gazes, then disappeared. (Don't worry, that will all be explained next chapter.)

"Erm, right… Anyways! I never kissed a boy." Sakuno said.

Everyone but Sakuno drank from their cups.

"Okay, I can understand Atobe, Bunta, and random British-Scientist-Wizard, can sort of understand David and Takashi," here, Tomoka turned to look at Horio, "but what person in their right mind would ever even _consider_ kissing you?"

"Um, well, I got Momo drunk and, well…"

"Ah! The raging hormones!!" Momo screamed and fell over. Everyone stared. The random British-Scientist-Wizard started to laugh, but the also seemed to be a bit tipsy already.

"I've never gotten drunk, flew to Las Vegas, married a random person, and divorced them the next morning _only _after stealing their stuff" The British-Scientist-Wizard said and then disappeared with a 'BANG!'. They all looked at each other for a while until David tentatively raised his glass and drank.

"No way!?" They chorused, disbelief etched on their faces.

"What did you steal?" Takashi asked. David smiled.

"Everything…even his virginity." he replied. Bane marched up to David and kicked him in the face.

"How could you do that to me?!?!" he yelled at David, his eyes filling up with tears. (Oooo, soap opera!)

"Okay…let's stop this drama. I've never, um, been in a fivesome," Bunta chirped

Atobe took a gulp. Everyone stared.

"Well, ore-sama's in a relationship with-"

"Let me guess," Takashi cut in, "Tezuka, Ryoma, Fuji, and Sanada."

"How d'jew know?"

"The internet is littered with that pairing."

"Oh, that explains it."

"Yep."

Awkward silence.

"So, should we continue?" Bunta asked, looking devious. Everyone shot up and ran away. The sound of crickets chirping echoed around Bunta.

* * *

Was it good? Huh? Review please! 


	4. Chapter 4: Broadway Lumberjack Man

The first song is original and sung to the tune of Idlewild's commercial in the summer of 2006. The other one's a camp song. Oh, yeah. Broadway Lumberjack man is an inside joke I will explain to anyone who asks. Yes, the co-author hates Leonardo DiCaprio.

**Disclaimer:** Ummm...anything familiar doesn't belong to us. (We think you'd get this by now...but we must put this up...)

* * *

**Broadway Lumberjack Man**

It was a dark, stormy night, and Orochimaru was sitting in the dungeons of his castle (Yes, he now owns a castle. It's big, warm, homely, and has great dungeon space.) while shoving a white-hot poker up Leonardo DiCaprio's anus. Orochimaru screamed as the actor screamed. When finished with Leonardo DiCaprio, he went out to his Nissan Altima and pulled Sasuke out of the trunk.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun, we're gonna have bunches of fun!" Orochimaru squealed. Since he was bound and gagged, all he could do was glare. "Aw, Sasuke-kun, don't look at me that way…" the pale man frowned as he carried the boy to the dungeons. Once in the damp chambers, Orochimaru began dressing Sasuke in a Gothic Lolita outfit. He then proceeded to chain Sasuke to the wall.

Just when Sasuke thought it couldn't get worse, Orochimaru burst into song.

"I'm Broadway Lumberjack Man and it's no lark

I sing from dawn 'til way past dark

I rape little boys after I give them my mark

Hey! There's that dude that resembles a shark"

After finishing his theme song, Orochimaru smiled evilly. Sasuke started to tremble as the creepy man started to kiss him.

_Oh my God! Is he trying to rape me?!_ Sasuke thought.

_No shit, Sasuke,_ a voice that wasn't his said in Sasuke's head. He looked to the left as Orochimaru undressed him and saw the random-British-scientist-wizard. The man lifted his finger and pressed it to his lips.

_Why isn't he doing anything?_ Sasuke wondered as the fifty-year-old man raped him. The random-British-scientist-wizard disappeared and what little hope Sasuke had left died.

Suddenly, Orochimaru started to sing again.

"I know a weenie man

he owns a weenie stand

he sells most anything

from hot dogs to weenie buns

someday I'll join his life

I'll be his weenie wife

hotdog, I love that weenie man.

Hotdog!

I married the weenie man

we moved to weenie land

we had two weenie kids

who blew up the cat.

Pop!

They went t weenie jail

I paid the weenie bail

hotdog, those weenie kids are bad.

Hotdog!"

Sasuke hit his head of the wall repeatedly. Broadway Lumberjack Man didn't notice as he launched into a song about cheese.

"Now, to break you!" Broadway Lumberjack Man said when he finished aforementioned song. He pulled out a spiked belt and smiled. Sasuke's eyes widened as Broadway Lumberjack Man flipped him over, exposing his back. "I want to hear you scream," Orochimaru giggled as he pulled the gag out of the boy's mouth. Sasuke clamped his mouth firmly shut.

The first blow came slowly, but it as hard and Sasuke tried hard not to cry out. He succeeded, but his will began to crumble as the blows came harder and faster. The metal spikes bit into his flesh the physical pain eventually disappeared as darkness descended upon him.

_He was back in school and in front of him was Naruto…and they were kissing. Over and over again, the horrifying image repeated in his head. It was too traumatizing, he screamed._

"MAKE IT STOP, MOMMY!! I CAN FEEL HIS NASTY LIPS!" he cried. Then he heard Orochimaru's soft laughter.

"She can't help you, she's dead. Your brother killed her," he hissed in Sasuke's ear.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

_The scene flashed back to when the Uchiha clan was murdered, but this time he was watching Itachi mercilessly murdered them one by one. Sasuke couldn't move, couldn't help, as his brother decimated his family, smiling in sadistic pleasure. It was too much. That scene, the previous scene, and Orochimaru's physical abuse broke Sasuke._

Orochimaru watched as Sasuke screamed, cried, and laughed.

"Okay, I give up!" Sasuke yelled. Sasuke opened his eyes and saw Orochimaru's pervy, grinning face, and behind was…the random-British-scientist-wizard! He was sitting there with popcorn, a drink, and a video camera.

"Umm, what are you doing here?"

"Watching the show, o'course!"

"Hey, you're that dude I met during that one drinking game!" Orochimaru intervened.

"Oh, yeah! You're that queer dude that rapes little boys."

"AND turns them into my loyal, albeit broken, pets. Can't forget that!"

"So _that's_ what you're doing."

"Yeah, it works great. Watch. Come, Sasuke."

Sasuke came.

"Kneel, Sasuke."

Sasuke kneeled. Orochimaru stroked his hair.

The Brit gushed. Orochimaru smiled and strapped a collared leash onto Sasuke's kneck.

"Jump!" Orochimaru ordered. Sasuke cocked his head to the side.

"How high?" the enslaved boy asked. The random-British-scientist-wizard laughed.

"Hmm, good question…." Orochimaru pondered this for a while. His eyes lit up. "Ten feet. I want you to jump ten feet," he answered. Sasuke thought for a moment, then bent his knees and managed to leap exactly ten feet into the air. "Isn't that awesome?" exclaimed Orochimaru, turning to the random-British-scientist-wizard. He was surprised to find that the young man was no longer there.

Broadway Lumberjack man shrugged and continued to command Sasuke perform tricks.

"I'm bored. Sasuke, tell me a story," Orochimaru ordered after some time.

"What kind of story?" Sasuke wanted to know.

"Hmm…? How about a story praising my awesomeness."

So Sasuke told Orochimaru a story that praised his awesomeness. We will not repeat this story because it was a long epic full of horrible lies and mushy flattering. Seriously, you'd puke if you heard. Needless to say, Orochimaru loved it and promoted Sasuke to Head Pet, making Kabuto cry.

Meanwhile, Naruto and Sakura embarked on a perilous mission to save Sasuke…

* * *

Please review...we'll give you a puppy! Or cookies, whichever one we feel like giving away. 


	5. Chapter 5: Romeo and Juliet

i now have the pleasure to present to you our story. so, yeah...

**Chapter 5: Romeo and Juliet**

Edward Elric lost the random British-scientist-wizard somewhere between the second and third chapter. Jasper managed to catch up with Ed in the beginning of the fourth chapter. And while Orochimaru was raping Sasuke, Ed and Jasper were having a romantic reunion which consisted of a lot of tears (on Jasper's part), punching (on Ed's part), making out, and declaring their undying love for each other.

After their whole 'reunion scene!' they skipped off hand in hand to explore the alternate universe they landed themselves in. The city looked old fashioned and the people wore clothes from the Renaissance era.

"Um, excuse me for asking, but where are we?" Jasper asked.

"Verona, Italy, sir." the young man answered politely.

"If we're in Italy," Ed cut in, "Why aren't you speaking Italian?"

"What doth it be to thou? I shall bite my thumb at you! A plague o' both your houses!" The man said randomly. Another man appeared.

"Hey, that's my line!" he shouted and left. (Mercutio ish special so he can speak any way he wants…) Let's go see what Romeo and Juliet are doing!

"What do you _mean _you're leaving me for Paris!?" Romeo screeched. He was on his knees, clutching Juliet's dress.

"Paris is hotter and I love him. Isn't that what you did with Rosaline, dumped her for me? Albeit, she hated you…" Juliet spat. "'Sides, aren't you gay? I know about **him**"

"How do you–?"

"I'm clairvoyant."

"Really?"

"No."

"Aw."

"I saw you two…making out…in an alley…in the middle of the night…with no clothes on, just sailor hats."

"Um, I can explain?"

_"Riiiight."_

"No, honestly, I can! Well, no, I can't. My lust for men is too strong!"

"Uh-huh, that's what I thought."

"Wah!"

Enter Paris

"Hey, baby."

"Hey Paris." Juliet gave him a peck on the cheek. Then Paris pulled her to him and they began making out. Romeo's face went red and he pulled out a gun. Just then, Ed and Jasper walked over.

"He's got a gun!" Jasper yelled. "Hit the deck!"

Both Ed and Jasper threw themselves on the ground while Paris and Juliet looked around confusedly.

"Don't move, or I'll shoot!" Romeo yelled. Juliet was busy staring at Jasper and Ed.

"Hit the what now?" she asked. "Why would you hit a deck?" she walked over to a ship and smacked the deck. "Ow!" she screeched. Ed pointed and laughed. Jasper picked up Romeo and threw him at Ed.

"Why did you throw him at me, honey pie? Why not a peach?"

Romeo's eyes filled with tears. Then he started bawling like a baby.

"Doesn't anyone care about _my_ needs?!" he sobbed.

"No!" everyone replied. Romeo pouted and blew a bubble with some gum.

"Wait, how'd ya get bubblegum?" Ed asked, staring at Romeo.

"The…what was it called again?" he muttered. "Ah, the Inter…the INTERNET! Yes, it's the internet." he finished after a moment of contemplation.

"And you got the internet how?" Jasper asked. Then they caught sight of the cord leading onto a tear in the space-time continuum. "Oh!" Jasper gasped. Everyone but Romeo gave him a questioning look and he pointed to the tear.

"Oh!" they chorused.

"Er, so, how _did_ you make a rip in the space-time continuum?" Jasper asked. Romeo blushed and became extremely flustered.

"I, um…that is…!" he stuttered.

"Romeo, sweetheart!" crooned a young man with long, silver hair and colorful, floral printed clothes. He apparently came through the tear and had thrown his arms around Romeo from behind, making Romeo more flustered. Everyone gave Romeo a little time to gather himself.

"This is Ayame Sohma…my boyfriend." he finally said. Ayame grinned and waved.

"Ayame!" Jasper and Ed called.

"Jasper! Ed! How are those dresses working out for you?" Ayame asked.

"Oh, they fit like a dream." Jasper replied.

"I'm carrying mine with me." Ed added.

"Me too." Jasper agreed.

Jasper and Ed whipped out their dresses and put them on in a blink of an eye.

"You're wearing tights, just like us!" Romeo gushed.

"It takes a real man to wear tights." said Ayame, exposing his leg to reveal purple, flower print tights. Romeo, Ayame, Jasper, Ed, Paris, random village men, and Juliet–yes, Juliet– burst into song.

We're men, we're men in tights.

We roam around the forest looking for fights.

We're men, we're men in tights.

We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!

We may look like sissies, but watch what you say or else we'll put out your lights!

We're men, we're men in tights,

Always on guard defending the people's rights.

Dance number, chorus line style

We're men, MANLY men, we're men in tights. Yeah!

We roam around the forest looking for fights.

We're men, we're men in tights.

We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!

We may look like pansies, but don't get us wrong or else we'll put out your lights.

We're men, we're men in tights (TIGHT tights),

Always on guard defending the people's rights.

When you're in a fix just call for the men in tights!

We're butch.

At the end of the song, Paris turned to Juliet.

"Wait, my love, you're a man?!" he asked. Juliet blushed.

"Well…y'see, I was going to tell you sooner, but I…didn't?" Juliet was apparently confusing her–himself. "Truth be told, I didn't know myself. It just sorta…happened." He tried to explain. They all decided to just shut up about it and play charades.

"Oh, oh! It's a duck!" Romeo guessed while Ed demonstrated what was _obviously not_ a duck. Everyone decided to toss small pebbles at Romeo for his stupidity.

"Um, a pirate?" Ayame guessed. Ed nodded and sat down. Ayame jumped up and took a slip of paper out of the hat that Juliet was holding. He smiled when he read his charade. Then he began twirling around.

"I know– It's an airplane!" Romeo shouted. Juliet stared and thought _WTF?!_

"Uh, no." Ayame said and made another attempt. It was Paris' turn to guess.

"A dancer?" he guessed. Ayame shook his head. It was Jasper's turn.

"I think it's a ballerina." he said with a slight smile. Ayame nodded vigorously and sat down. Jasper took a piece of paper out of the formerly mentioned hat and stared incredulously. Shrugging, he pointed at himself with obvious emphasis at his abnormally pointy teeth.

"A pansy?" Paris asked.

"An emo?" Ed guessed. Jasper punched him, and then started crying.

"A cantaloupe?" Guess who that was.

"A vampire!" Ayame correctly announced. He hopped up once again.

"No, I don't think you should go again, Aya." Romeo said. Just then, the random British-scientist-wizard popped out of the space-time continuum, blew a raspberry at Ed, grabbed Romeo's man-purse and disappeared again.

"No! My BUBBLIES!" Romeo shouted. Once again, everyone stared. "What?! My bubblegum is in there!" Romeo shouted.

"GET HIM!" Romeo and Ed bellowed in unison. They scrambled after the fiend, with their lovers in tow. They slipped through the tear in the space-time continuum and disappeared from Paris and Juliet's view.

* * *

err...i hope you liked it. (i don't think anyone's even reading this...) please review if you do


	6. Chapter 6: Jaenelle is Pregnant

er...sorry this chapter is so short. it's more like a filler chapter, if you even consider this chapter to have enough of a plot that there could even be filler chapter...

anyways, enjoy!

**Chapter Six: Jaenelle Goes Through Labor**

"Daemon, I'm pregnant."

Daemon fell over, dead. Thankfully, Saetan rules over the demon dead, so it's all good.

Jaenelle stormed through Hell looking for her deceased husband. She found him cowering behind a vase. She wrenched him up and started hitting him.

"How could you just keel over like that?!" she screeched while smacking him across the face.

"Oh, Jaenelle, there you–" Saetan paused and looked at Daemon. "Darkness! My son! He's dead! I'll never see him again. How can the world be so cruel to take my son away from me? He was so young and had a great life ahead of him. HE had a wife and a kid on the way. Why did the Darkness choose him now? I will never be happy again! Oh, chocolate! I'm so ecstatic!"

Daemon gaped and thought 'WTF?! I'm right here! Geez, why are they making such a big deal out of this?'

"Um, y'know, it's really okay…I'm always going to be RIGHT HERE." he said aloud, "I mean, I'm f-ing demon dead, not given to the darkness yet."

His sense fell on deaf ears, though, as Jaenelle and Saetan started devising a plan to bring him back to life.

"What are you guys doing" Daemon asked them.

"We're thinking…" Jaenelle began.

"Of a number between 1 and 10!" Saetan finished.

"Um…how about 7...?" Daemon looked a bit puzzled. They stared at him expectantly.

"Yes, it worked!" Jaenelle cheered. Saetan gave her a high-five.

"Huh?" Daemon said while staring. Jaenelle and Saetan looked at him appraisingly.

"You're alive again!" Jaenelle said while hugging her husband.

"How'd _that_ happen?" Daemon asked her in a choked voice caused by her tight grip.

"The magical power of numbers!" Saetan yelled happily.

Daemon sighed, "Idiots…"

**A few months later…**

"Daemon!" Jaenelle screamed from the couch. Daemon got up and walked over to his wife.

"What dear?" he asked, about to break down in tears.

"Can I have some ice cream with pickles?" she asked.

"Okay, one ice cream with pi-pickles?!" he gaped, Jaenelle nodded and he went to the kitchen.

"Hey Bastard, how's it shakin'?" Came a voice from behind Daemon.

"Hey Prick. Nothing, but I _am_ being driven crazy by the pregnant woman in the other room. How'd you handle Marien's pregnancy?" Daemon asked Lucivar desperately.

Lucivar paled dramatically and started rocking back and forth in fear. He periodically mumbled things like "the horrors" and "please, Marien, I'll do whatever you want. I'll jump into the Kingdom Hearts universe and get you some sea-salt ice cream, just don't hurt me."

Daemon slowly backed away from the blubbering mess that was his half-brother, and then took off running toward the kitchen. He passed his father in the halls, and Saetan first gave a knowing-yet-pitying smile.

Daemon burst through the kitchen doors and yelled, "I need some ice cream with pickles! Stat!" The kitchen staff stared at Daemon like he was crazy, which was probably true but not very relevant at this point in time. "It's for Jaenelle," Daemon mumbled. This seemed to appease the previously worried kitchen staff, and they sprung into action.

As soon as the kitchen staff shoved the odd dessert into his hands, Daemon raced toward Jaenelle, who immediately dug in.

Suddenly, the RBSW ran into the room, grabbed the bowl, and smashed it on top of Jaenelle's head. Jaenelle yelled at Daemon for letting this happen while the RBSW chuckled and snuck away. Then the crowd led by Ed stampeded in and bowled Daemon and his wife over whilst looking for the RBSW. Onto the next chapter!

* * *

review, please! thanks!


	7. Chapter 7: Gambling Gods

hello! gabe has FINALLY found the missing chapter and has decided (after much nagging from myself) to type this chapter (personally, I hate typing). so, I hope you enjoy!!

* * *

Chapter Seven: Gambling Gods

"Lost again, Zeus. Hand it over." Poseidon said, pointing to the jewel encrusted goblet. The ruler of the Gods groaned and tossed his favorite goblet towards his brother's head. "Ooo, temper, temper." Poseidon tsked as he caught the cup. They heard a chuckle from behind them. Zeus growled and whipped around to see Hades.

"What're you laughing at?" Zeus roared at the God of the Underworld. Hades' eyes widened innocently.

"You, of course, brother." Hades replied.

"You're not much better." Zeus grumbled angrily.

"Oh, gambling! I _love _gambling!"

Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon turned to find our motley crew of protagonists exiting a dimensional hole.

"What the Hell?" Hades said to the RBSW, who was standing right in front of him. The RBSW shrugged.

"Can we play?" He asked the ruler of the Underworld. Hades shrugged, mocking the Brit.

"Ask the head honcho." He told the group. The RBSW turned to face Zeus and Poseidon.

"So, how 'bout it?"

"What do you suggest we play?" Texas Hold 'Em is sort of boring." Zeus said with a scowl.

"You only don't want to play because you keep losing." Hades scoffed.

"Shut it, flamer." Zeus snapped.

"How about strip poker?" Ayame suggested.

Romeo immediately liked the idea, and everyone but Zeus chimed in with their agreements. They stared at Zeus. Zeus stared at them. They blinked. Zeus blinked.

"Oh, all right, as long as Aphrodite plays."

"Dude, isn't she your daughter?"

Zeus turned to look at Ed, "So?" he asked, thunderbolts appearing in both hands.

"Uh– no problems here."

"Good."

Once Aphrodite was summoned, they all sat down in a happy circle and began to play the game.

Three hours later found a totally clothed Jasper, a sock missing from the Random-British-Scientist-Wizard, a shirtless Ayame, Romeo, Aphrodite, and Ed, a boxer-clad Poseidon, and a totally naked Hades and Zeus who had also lost all of their territories.

"Wow, the gods _suck. _Especially Zeus and Hades." Romeo stated.

"I know," his lover commented, "I now own Paris, France. Yay, fashion!"

"Wait a minute!" Ed declared angrily, "the Random-British-Scientist-Wizard is _right here_. Get him!"

"Well, I guess it's time to blow this Popsicle stand!" The RBSW said, grabbed Hades and Zeus's clothes, and disappeared.

"Fuck! He took my clothes." Zeus and Hades yelled simultaneously.

"Well, don't yinz guys have anymore?" Jasper inquired.

"Not really."

"WE'RE MEN, WE DON'T NEED EXTRA CLOTHES!" Zeus bellowed.

"Yeah, we do," Hades grumbled, "I told you at our last business meeting that we did, but _no_, 'One uniform is enough' you said, 'Why would we possibly need more clothes?' you said. Idiot…"

"Whatever," Zeus said dismissively, "We just need to track down our clothes. Hmm, who to call? Who to call? Aha! I got it. ARTEMIS! ARTEMIS, COME HERE!"

"You rang?" Artemis asked in a creepy, Lurch-esque voice.

"Yes, Artemis, I need you to find the man who stole my clothes and retrieve them. You shall accompany these four young lords, who own the majority of Hades' and my territories and are also on a quest to find this elusive criminal!"

"Yes, sir. But I do believe I shall require some assistance," pulling out a red and white pokéball, Artemis threw it to the ground in an overdramatic fashion and yelled, "Sherlock, I choose you!"

Two days later, Sherlock Holmes materialized in front of the people-who-are-still-in-the-area-we-haven't-named-where-the-story-is-currently-taking-place. And there was much rejoicing.

Once Sherlock Holmes was caught up to speed, the growing group of protagonists left the Greek Gods World.

* * *

please review! i'll force our favorite protagonists to give you a country if you do


End file.
